Neanderthals
by PaiigeCourtneyy
Summary: Neanderthals aren't known for their great listening skills. Neither is Colonel Roy Mustang. They aren't great with self control, either, and Roy is, well... RoyxEd; One-Shot.


**Neanderthals.**

Neanderthals aren't known for their great listening skills. Neither is Colonel Roy Mustang. They aren't great with self control, either, and Roy is, well...

* * *

Roy Mustang wasn't listening.

Of course he wasn't listening. There Edward Elric, his 19 year old subordinate was, pacing back and forth in front of his desk giving him his latest mission report, which was mostly made up of over exaggerations, complaints and vivid hand motions.

"So when we get there..." It was like someone had hit the mute button. "And then all of a sudden they just … Can you believe they would…"

_God dammit, Ed! All I want to do is…_

"And are you even listening to me, you bastard?!"

Roy blinked out of his thoughts, placing his elbows on the desk and resting his chin on his linked fingers.

No, of course he wasn't listening to him.

He was too busy staring at the pink lips that moved with every syllable, waiting to catch a glimpse of the tongue that would occasionally dart out and then back in just as quick.

Not that he would tell his youngest subordinate, though.

"I'm sorry, Fullmetal." Roy apologised politely, "But could you repeat that for me?"

The only 'repeat' Mustang got was an aggravated growl, several muffled curses and the slamming of two office doors. All Roy did in response was smirk as he watched the boy's ass walk out the door in those tight –_too_ tight - leather pants.

Lieutenant Hawkeye stepped into the room, sheets of paper in hand, and walked steadily to her superior's desk; a feat that apparently went unnoticed by said superior.

"Sir, if you spent as much time focusing on your paper work as you did on Major Elric's backside, then perhaps you'd have it all finished by now and be able to leave on time, where you can fantasize about him all you wish." Hawkeye deadpanned, dumping the paper work on his desk before promptly saluting and leaving the office.

Roy simply rolled his eyes before picking up a piece of the foul paperwork and skimming over it, looking for the place to scrawl his signature.

* * *

Roy was nowhere near drunk. He'd had less than a full pint of beer, having decided to leave early since Maes wouldn't shut up about how much his 'darling Elysia' was 'growing up.' Shaking his head, he turned down a darkened alley – a short cut to his home.

A clatter to his left caught his attention and he whipped round faster than a bullet, glove on, hand raised and fingers poised to snap; only to have them lowered down in relief when Edward stepped out of the shadows.

"Oh, Fullmetal, it's just you." He frowned for moment, wondering just what Edward was doing out so late anyway.

"Colonel." Ed nodded in a greeting, pausing when he saw the frown.

"Is everything all right?" Roy asked, slowly taking off his gloves and placing them back inside his pockets. Ed shrugged,

"'Course it is, why wouldn't it be?" It was Roy's turn to shrug,

"I was just wondering what you were doing out so late, is all."

Ed chuckled weakly, "Oh you know, just taking a stroll..." ..._In the moonlight, where it shines down on you makes you seemingly glow, like an angel sent from the heavens above, coupled with a cute ass and pink, perfect lips..._

Roy couldn't take it anymore.

Acting on impulse, Roy grabbed Ed's arms and pinned them against the wall of the alley, high above his head. "What are you_-doimmfwheetghell!" _Speech became muffled as he clamped his lips down onto the blonde's. There was a sort of squeal as Ed tried to jerk out of his grasp, away from the older man suddenly intent on ravishing him.

He had no such luck. Roy wanted this, and _damn_ was he going to get this.

When Mustang finally pulled back for air, all he did was rest his forehead on Ed's for a moment, his eyes closed.

"You Goddamn pervert Mustang," Ed hissed, trying to sound furious. Roy's lip quirked up at the lacing under the false tone; he knew arousal and enjoyment when he heard it. "What the hell…_ummfwrnfwighoy." _More speech became muffled as Roy took his lips once again, catching the blonde by surprise.

Ed hadn't expected Roy to try a second time.

After several more moments of jerked protests that were undeniably weak and feeble, Roy felt Edward relax and begin to kiss back. Cautiously, when he was certain Ed would no longer punch him, he released his hold on the younger boy's arms and instead placed his hands on either side of his hips, smiling into the kiss when he felt Edward's arms snake around his neck and pull him closer.

Oh yes, he _felt_ it.

Teeth nipped at his bottom lip, asking – no, _demanding_, entrance. Roy gladly complied, shovelling down a moan that wanted to come out. This definitely wasn't his first kiss.

Good. That meant he had experience, and that his first kiss wasn't a practical assault by his commanding officer.

That could have been a bit tricky.

Roy felt a bit disappointed when he felt one of the hands leave his neck, but perked up considerably when he felt it travel its way down, to his trousers, under his trousers and oh _God_-

He couldn't stop the moan this time.

Not even knowing how it had happened, it was suddenly Roy's back pressed against the back wall getting ferociously kissed by the former alchemist.

Not that he minded; Roy could use _any_ position to his advantage…

Roy's slender fingers slid down slightly and hooked through Edward's belt, his thumbs gently brushing the skin underneath. He tried very valiantly to stifle the laugh that came with Edward's response; the boy had yelped like a puppy getting trampled on and had, in a burst of panic it seemed, bit down onto Roy's lip.

Not that Roy minded. No, he didn't mind at all.

"Dammit, Roy," Roy liked the sound of his name rolling off of Edward's lips. "That wasn't fair." He growled, having pulled back for a moment. Only for a moment, though.

One of Roy's hands retreated from the belt and glided around the front, barely skimming the pale flesh as it ascended. It was Edward's turn to groan as his thumb brushed over his nipple.

"You know, Ed," Roy began, his voice a sultry weave of silk,

"Know what, Mustang?" He snapped quickly, annoyed that he had interrupted their heated kiss to _talk_.

Ed did _not_ want to talk right now. He wanted to kiss this man senseless, show him a real good time and then wake up curled into him. If Ed wanted to talk, he would have stuck around in the office for longer this morning.

Roy almost rolled his eyes. Almost, for he was just as desperate to jump this man right here and right now; in fact, the only thing stopping him was that it was starting to get chilly, and rain would soon begin to pour.

Not that Roy Mustang was useless in the rain. No, no he was not useless in rain. Not at all, and anyone who suggested otherwise would spontaneously combust with no apparent (or provable) explanation.

"My house is just around the corner. So how about, instead of standing here in this alley grunting like Neanderthals, we head there where there is a nice, warm, _cosy_ bed…" The sentence was never finished as Edward roughly grabbed Roy's wrist and literally dragged him to his house, intent of taking all the advantage possible of that offer.

* * *

**Two FMA fics in two days? I'm on a roll here guys ;) I actually started this a while back, but have only just finished it. I wasn't too sure how to get it from the meeting to the (almost)bone-jumping, but I hope it's alright. It's slightly OOC in my opinion, and Maes is alive because I just couldn't bare to not have him, so yeah. (And the title may change; it was literally the only thing I could think of.)**

**Leave a review!**


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